Damn it. So I’ve been slighty emotional the past 24 hours and took it out on twitter and I’m afraid I gave Robert the wrong impression again. My friend got hired in retail and it made me remember how i kinda miss retail cause… of one reason. And well… Yeah. And i tweeted how missed jokin around with him. Like crackin up jokes and stuff. I feel like an idiot and I hope he isn’t mad at me. Fuck. The reason I was emotional was because.. ok, remember the whole comment thing about he doesn’t reply to me when other friends reply? I comment on his status, and he replies to everyone else but me! He ignored my comment! And it hurt my feelings when it shouldnt. It’s hella stupid how I’m upset over this. WHY Michelle, WHY?!?? But I did all sad and I hate being butt hurt over stupid shit like that. I secretly just wish when I would comment on there, on facebook, on his timeline statuses, he would give a decent reply to show some kind of interest in what I have to say so people don’t think I’m annoying. That’s why I feel boring sometimes. I hard how he has a lot of female friends, and that shouldn’t get to me, but for some reason it does. He’s probably doing hw right now, but it’s still the worst feelings when he ignores me.. even when it’s unintentional. Idk why it bothers me so bad.. I just care hella. He’s just that important to me. And that’s not bad. Ugh, hope things will look up soon.
P.S. Robert, I’m sorry and please don’t give up on me. Just please understand
Really
dearoldlove:
I didn’t just say it ‘cause I could, I really did love you.
Robert.
(Source: dearoldlove)
Appreciate the Warmth
dearoldlove:
Thanks for hugging me the other day. I know you don’t love me anymore, but I appreciate your warmth nonetheless.
Robert, to be honest, sometimes I wish you still did love me in that way. But I was so greatful to see you Saturday :)
(Source: dearoldlove)
I really wish I had bigger boobs and a bigger butt.. because Robert likes those things. I feel so ugly without that. I mean, we aren’t together, but still. It would help. It feels like it’s one of the reasons he dumps me :/ but ever since our mini hang out, I can’t stop thinking about him. Like… The guy makes me happy more than anyone ever could soo…. Since I’m being honest with myself here, I don’t want someone else. If I can’t have him, then I’ll be single for the rest of my life. Because this feeling isn’t just going to go away. I care about him way too much. I dunno. I’m trying to not get my feelings confused because I should, and do know where Robert and I stand. But I can’t help but have those moments of thinking how it used to be.
Songs About Robert
Songs that automatically remind me of him whenever they play:
1. Simple Things -Joey Diamond
2. There’s Nothing -Sean Kingston feat. Paula DeAnda
3. How Do I Breathe -Mario
4. Payphone -Maroon 5
5. Latika’s Theme
6. Nothin On You -B.O.B. feat. Bruno Mars
7. Do You Remember -Jay Sean
8. Still Got It -Tyga feat. Drake
9. Say Ok -Vanessa Hudgens
10. 3 Small Words (josie and the pussycats)
11. Should’ve Kissed You -Chris Brown
12. I Need This -Chris Brown
13. I Promise You -Selena Gomez
14. The Way I Loved You -Selena Gomez
15. Your Love Is My Drug -Ke$ha
16. More Than Words -Frankie J
17. One Wish -Ray J
18. Energy -Natalie
19. Goin Crazy -Natalie
20. I Love You -Chris Brown
21. Overboard Justin Bieber feat. Jessica Jarrell
22. If I Ain’t Got You -Alicia Keys
23. We Found Love -Rihanna
24. Love You Like A Love Song -Selena Gomez
25. Is It You? -Cassie
There’s more.. I’ll continue this list later.
Feelings Chris Brown said for me.
Why Am I mad, I don’t get it, It seems like every time you give me signs, And I miss it! I did it again, I admit it, I left you standing there, And now I regret it, Seems like every time, I get the chance, I lose my cool, and I blow it, And I get all tongue tied, Lost in your eyes, I’m a fool, and I know it!
[Chorus:] I should’ve kissed you, I should’ve told you, Told you just how I feel, And next time I won’t stop, I’ll listen to my heart, Cause what I feel is real! I should’ve kissed you, I should’ve told you how I feel, I should’ve kissed you, I should’ve showed you just how I feel
Now why didn’t I Give you my two cents, A million reasons why I should have, And it makes no sense, So here I am, By myself again, Stopping for green lights, and I know, I wanna be more than friends, How come every time I get the chance I lose my cool and I blow it, And I get all tongue tied, Lost in your eyes, I’m a fool and I know it!
[Chorus:] Hey, I should’ve kissed you, I should’ve told you, Told you just how I feel, And next time I won’t stop, I’ll listen to my heart, Cause what I feel is real! I should’ve kissed you, I should’ve told you how I feel, I should’ve kissed you, I should’ve showed you just how I feel!
So I turned the car around, And you were right where I left you, And your smile said you were feeling it too, And the moon shined bright, Cause when your lips met mine, And yeah I finally got it right, I’ll be leaving with you tonight, And I won’t have to say,
[Chorus:] I should’ve kissed you, I should’ve told you, Told you just how I feel, And next time I won’t stop, I’ll listen to my heart, Cause what I feel is real! I should’ve kissed you, Girl I should’ve told you how I feel, I should’ve kissed you, I should’ve showed you just how I feel
Girl I should’ve kissed you, I should’ve told you told you just how I feel, And this time I won’t stop, Until I have your heart, Cause what I’m feeling is real
My day of 5/26/2012
I had a good morning. Had coffee, did my workout, and worked! Then hanged with Sonia for a lil. I love her. But my night was the highlight of the day. I met up with Robert when he got off work and we exchanged business cards. When he had first saw me, he asked why I had spray a lot of my girl smell on myself. (I rather smell like heavy flowers than sweat) We had fb messaged earlier to meet up. We chatted about our cards, or mine at least. Then he offered to take me home. He took the long way to my house :) I finally got to tell him openly about my house life and about my dad. And I felt so relieved. Then, we talked about my massage job.. and the subject of me.. being a victim came about. He asked what if I started to like someone else and getting close. I gave a non-truth reply. The truth is, it would take one hell of a guy to take his place, and do the things Robert did. And I haven’t found that. I don’t want to find it. But anyways… We talked about school, debt, not dating, social life, and family. And I finally tell him bout the whole fb comment thing and we’re good. I asked if he didn’t find it annoying that I talk to him a lot. He said no, and I could tell he wasn’t lying. He asked me if I was mad that he doesn’t reply fast. I took a while. He then said “op! Look at that smile, that’s a yes” As I was leaving, he asked if I wanted a hug, and before I could reply, he said we would have to hug outside of his car. Our first hug was bleh. I said “you didn’t do it right!” Then he was being a dork and left his arms open to where I made him hug me. Then we talked about food. I told I’d kick him if was on fb when he’s suppose to do hw. Then I kicked him. Then he was all like “ahh! I’m not your patient you can beat up!” Then I told him I would give him a sorry hug. I pulled his arms from his car, as he was smiling all cheesy in a way, and we hugged for real. He lifed me the third time. Then I told him in a jokeing way, “you can lift me up now” then he was all like “I can actually pick you up now” I told him how I went from weighing 160 to 13O. He was so impressed. I asked him if I had looked skinnier than I did 2 years ago when we met and asked to be honest. He smiled and said yes. Earlier, I fb msged him thanking him again and he said “I’m glad you’re happy” (because of my twitter updates) and then I told him “with some people, like you, when I conversate with them, it feels like I don’t have problems or stress in the world” and that made him happy. The truth is, he’s the only one that can make me feel that way. I am content for now! :) he makes me so happy. He keeps me up when I’m feeling down. Oh yeah, we also about me getting drunk on my birthday and the side effects cos of what his sis told him haha. I’m still hoping to chill with him on my birthday. Who knows?
Dear Robert,
What we talked about earlier.. what had happened with me, I’m over it. But when you asked if I liked someone else.. I stuttered. Truth is, it’ll take one hell of a guy to replace you. So far, nobody can do that. More later.
-Michelle
Blog Code
dearoldlove:
I’ve recently realized my blog is basically a collection of things I could never say to you.
Last night, I has the weirdest dreams. I met Robert somewhere and we were wearing matching scrubs. Then he carries me some place. I end up in a random field with my friends, and we were taking pictures. For some reason, robert facebook “likes” it and it was just so random. I can’t really remember the rest.
Dear Robert,
I hope that some time soon you will come across this tumblr. Not to get mad at my thoughts, but in hopes you of you understanding my feelings better. I try so hard to put my words together properly to not give a wrong impression. What we have as friends is great. I’m happy with it. When it comes to facebook, whenever I comment, or post things, to where friends can see it, I wish you would reply to them. You’ll reply to other people, but not to me. It shouldn’t hurt my feelings, but it does. We fb message, I like that. Sometimes it sucks that you’re so busy because I try so hard to maintain an interesting conversation just to be told “bye”. But I understand why. I wish I can be able to hang out with you for my 21st birthday. You still make me happy more than other person can. You just get me. I guess you can I get still got it for ya. Of course those feelings will always be there, and of course I’ll always hope for… that. I will always care about you to the fullest extent. But I know better to not get my hopes up whenever we talk because we’re friends, according you, which what we are suppose to be. Even though I do really excited when we talk, even if I do start a majority of the conversations we have. I wish you could start them half way like you used to. That way I wouldn’t feel so annoying. Anyways, because I’ll always care, that doesn’t mean I’m always going to look at things from gf perspective. We’re friends. But for some reason, you’re a friend that I want to go out of my way for more. More than my my best friend that I’ve known for years. Not just because we dated, and were together for a while, but because you deserve it. Even if others don’t think so. Anywho… The whole low key thing we have maybe overwhelming, I’m happy we are getting along. And I hope that one day soon our friendship can be shown to friends without being questioned (what’s up with you two? ..for example) I hope you can write stuff to me as much as I do to you. Not saying you’re suppose to, but I like it when you do those things. Before I go on, I need to sleep. You’ll hear more details about how I’m happy with our friendship later. Nite.
-Michelle.
